"Here's Why You're Not Friends (Lest You Forget)"

Nov. 13, 2014 | Hewgill, Jody. “Lucy Dacus Brings the Drama.” Rolling Stone, July-August 2021.

Notes to Self are longer journal entries from Seven Yrs Ago. I was 21 late 2014.

"Here's Why You're Not Friends (Lest You Forget)"

1. She’s inconsistent and therefore

2. You don’t trust her. ← Period.

And you can tell yourself that she is funny and warm and sassy and fun and smart and great and was your best girlfriend at college for sometime. Which is all true.

But you also have to tell yourself that she wasn’t all those things to you in the past 6 months.

Especially the best friend part. Those are people you lean on.

And though there were times in the summer when you could lean on her, there were more times when you wouldn’t because you didn’t know if she would break or snap back.

She would talk badly about your friends and her friends and almost all the other people you met in her life. She could say good things about some, but for you, her shit talk eclipsed the rest.

And of course, it’s not up to you who she chooses to be friends with or not be friends with or which friendships to grow and stuff.

But if it wasn’t growing for you, the friendship certainly would not have developed more.

Hence now.

Remember though that she didn’t do anything directly bad to you.

That you know of.

It was more my anticipation that spoke out, and based on previous forecasts, there was no reason for that not to happen.

Hence now.

And yes, you know more or less why she does these things. And you and her know why you do your things.

And if Kelli shows any consistency and wants to talk, then give it a chance. At least a listen. So, with all your misgivings and fond remembrances and circling thoughts about Kelli, here’s what you’re going to do/you know:

1. You’re fine and don’t feel bad about it. You know why you’re not friends and it’s simply a trust issue. You trust Kelli on a superficial level and a friend level, but no, at the moment. It is difficult to trust her more than that.

2. Trust yourself. Trust others.

3. Be nice to Kelli. Say hi, smile, whatever, you have no real reason to be mad or mean to her.

4. Stay open.

Often the hard part about getting hurt is healing yourself while letting the cut breathe. But it will slowly heal and you won’t need an extra cut to breathe anymore.

If she wants to talk, or if you want to talk, don’t shut it off and stay open. After she’s consistent of course. Wait for when it looks like both of you are okay. Most importantly when you are bc then you know you can handle whatever. Yourself and whoever needs your help.

5. Do your best.

Do not lower yourself or who you are to be somebody else’s.

Who you want to be is who you are and the people who want that for you are the people you should be with.

For commentary seven years later, go here.