New Reasons

"Perhaps I've been ignoring all the forks and I should turn once."

Notes to Self are long-form journal entries posted in full. See Seven Yrs Ago for thread. Read The Middle which includes this entry. I was 20 in late 2013.

Are we supposed to strive for happiness or just learn to live with the sadness?

The sadness of necessity (job, $)… so necessity needs to be happiness, because if the necessity is what will take up the majority of your time, the necessity must make you happy on some level.

Reasons

Stay in 5yr program

  • Loved it once, could I love it again?

  • The people—those I got closest to in past years and am still getting closer to if I want

  • Made me stronger, more responsible worker

Move to 4yr program

  • Creative standstill = boredom, ennui, misery

  • The people—I can’t fucking tell who really loves it or is just there to do it →

  • This takes some level of repression

 

If people (in arch) are unhappy, why the fuck is no one doing anything about it?! Why the fuck am I not

 

5 cont.

  • More w/ people thing: gotten closer + friendlier/wanted to

  • Real talk: A good degree in BadAss, one I could be proud of

  • I’ve gone this long; this could be the middle of a longass straight shot road I should continue on

  • I could get better at design!

  • I’m smart and creative →

4 cont.

  • I don’t do that anymore: Not only do I shut down in work mode, I hate people inside my head that I don’t actually hate I think

  • School isn’t everything, degrees don’t mean much to me. It doesn’t prove that you can’t do things without a degree

  • Perhaps I’ve been ignoring all the forks and I should turn once.

  • I don’t want to be an architect!

  • → But those are possibly for other things!

Nicole Rapatan