"hug when someone's arms are slightly spread apart."
Notes to Self are longer journal entries from Seven Yrs Ago. I was 21 in early 2014.
Abstract Goals:
Be a writer. A paid one. (This is not a drill).
Be less judgmental. Of yourself and others.
Stop fighting a breaking tide. Be less nonconformist, be less independent. Learn that you have people you can lean on and be a part of. Be part of the community you are already forming.
(Almost ironically) keep your spirit and your ability to rethink things and see it differently
Be more positive. I’m not saying be like Goldilocks or little Miss Muffet or whatever shit, but maybe… be like Little Miss Sunshine. Olive, not the grown coots.
Relax = Be less anxious.
Do more. Think less ✓
Stop making trouble for yourself (“This is your brain on anxiety.”) Stop thinking/imagining bad things when your surroundings/situation is good.
Stay undead. Laugh when you want to, care when you can, hug when someone’s arms are slightly spread apart.
Stop thinking that you will return to where you came from. You will not. You have come too far to ever completely return to how you were pre-college. You also had a different set of factors weighing you down then. You do not have those (on a daily physical basis) now. As long as you don’t try to keep reliving them, you’re going to be fine.
Give the people around you a break, especially
the ones who hurt you a lot while you were depressed but seem earnest about making amends and
the ones who helped you realize that something was wrong with you because you weren’t loving them as much as they deserved. They’re the ones who, in so many ways, are helping you transition.
You are learning now that the world is not black and white and neither are people. Everyone has their goods and their bads and it is up to you to appreciate the good parts and accept the bad parts. Good thing to know is that you are working on helping yourself, and despite still present anxieties, you are actually doing pretty well, just behavioral change comes at a slow pace.
Accept that you are a slow pace person, dislike-change-introvert, a turtle (a nonpolitical Republican), but nonetheless a turtle. If you keep going, doing the best you can, you will rest a winner.
Where I was going with this rant about myself is that thru helping yourself, you can help others, those willing to change, to replace their bads with goods.
Those people are your friends.
Keep your head and heart at ease. Relax.
For commentary seven years later, go here.