“I’ve been seeing myself for the first time.”
Notes to Self are longer journal entries from Seven Yrs Ago. Read Sticky, “A big thing rolling” for snipped poetry. I was 20 in early 2014.
Tonight was the 1st night in a very long time, probably in my conscious adulthood, where I felt more comfortable with other people than with myself.
There was making food with Mom and helping Ate Beebs
ROLLING AROUND NOW
A big thing rolling and in my head is
Backtracking.
I’ve been walking around between my bathroom and my bedroom and dwelling in front of the mirror.
I stare at my reflection and flip my hair; yes, it is part vanity which I’ve had since 12, secret vanity (no mirror stares in public), but it is also this weird notion that this break, I’ve been seeing myself for the first time.
And I’m fine.
More than fine.
And my life, the people around me, the hometown, BASIS, the roots that tethered me are also connected
fine.
More than fine.
I know I should write more now and yes maybe I’ll arrive at some genius breakthrough, but it’s 3:40am and I want to think and verbalize it in my head and semi-aloud.
Also I told my dad about the depression thing yesterday so I need to reason that out more and write it cause I’ve been around people nonstop since that happened so hold on.
Hold.
symbiotic silence
For commentary seven years later, go here.